So, the blog has taken a bit of focus on what occurred for me and my family during my Father’s final weekend which of course was distressing. We were unprepared as to what would come and lacked knowledge and guidance on what was available to us, but also to him in his final days and hours as his body reached the point of shutting down. This is a conversation I have raised with local healthcare providers and so far they have been willing to listen but to also push forth with change so that others can be better prepared in future. It’s still early days and will need time to bring about active changes to procedures and what is available to families coping with end of life care.
Today I will meet with my local MP Toby Perkins to talk through my concerns of the lack of compassion and needs for those dealing with the active process of dying. Being left to deal with a 111 out of hours service that covers a huge area of Derbyshire leaves people vulnerable but even having to deal with call handlers who are uninformed of the circumstance is upsetting and inappropriate considering those calling are dealing with the active death of a loved one. No system can be perfect but in this case it is wholly unnecessary and can be avoided by having different measures in place.
It’s been exhausted having to go over the details of that weekend again and to think he wasn’t allowed to die with dignity or with peace, that essentially as a family we were robbed of that precious time having to deal with phonecalls to try and get him pain relief or medication. It prompts so many questions that my mind is just a ball of tangled emotions and it was no great surprise that I just chose to sleep my way through a lot of it.
But now I feel driven. I want to protect his memory and raise how we were failed but I want to ask the bigger questions. Why should people be allowed to die in such horrific circumstances and in fear up until that point that it will probably happen to them? It doesn’t bear thinking about but things need to change. And they will. It just takes time and speaking louder than before.